Why we need to feel our feelings - Dandelion Training & Development

This week, I have lost count of the number of conversations I have had about feelings, and the importance of feeling them and experiencing them.

Your feelings are a communication system, telling you that you have needs that require some attention. If you are stressed you are overloaded, taking on too much, or trying to do too much at once. If you are sad, your brain is unhappy or disappointed. If you find yourself crying your body is trying to release stress (cortisol is released in our tears). If you are resentful, you have a build up of negative feelings in your body, perhaps you have not expressed yourself, or have not been heard.

Whichever feeling we have, they are important, and when we repeatedly suppress them or ignore them, we can find ourselves getting submerged by them.

Many of us were not offered spaces to explore our feelings safely when we were younger. Maybe you were told not to show them, or not offered a safe space to, our even saw anyone else express them. Perhaps, when you did you were ridiculed or shamed for it. For some, they have suppressed them for so long, they have disconnected from them, and may find it hard or even frustrating to understand why others become ‘so emotional’.

The challenge with feelings, is that we can sometimes find that we feel vulnerable expressing them, so resist. Or, we feel uncomfortable when others express them, unsure what to say or do.

However, offering children, teenagers, our friends and allowing ourselves to explore and express our feelings is important for well-being and mental health, as well as allowing us to process them. As we allow ourselves to FEEL them, if needed talk them through we can find ourselves letting them go, or finding options to allow them to subside. In other cases, they may act as a warning that we need to make some changes, such as being overwhelmed with too many responsibilities.

Here’s 4 ways you can support children and yourself to explore your feelings:

Create spaces – Taking time to create a safe and supportive space for children to talk about their feelings is vital. A space without distraction or risk of disruption, where you can listen and be supportive. Children need spaces where they can express their experiences without feeling they need to justify them, so sometimes, a car journey or a walk can offer a space where you can talk without intense eye contact, ask questions to understand and learn about their experiences. They do not need you to fix them, they need to know you can hear and understand how they are feeling.
Share stories or films – Sharing books and films about feelings, which allow children to understand that we all experience feelings in different ways is an important step in developing emotional literacy skills. It can be easy to get caught in a trap of putting feelings names into children’s worlds, rather than letting children learn to identify them, so books and films which explore how feelings affect us can be really beneficial.
Explore regulation strategies – It is very hard to talk about our feelings when we are dysregulated and overwhelmed. Taking time to explore regulation strategies, and identify which work best for your child allows them to feel calmer and more in control, and therefore they are more able to talk about their feelings. Try some here.
Be curious – We cannot punish children for having feelings, they are a response to the sensations in the body, and feelings do not make us good or bad. They are an experience, and a symptom or a method of communication, telling us that they are struggling. Therefore, instead we want to be curious. Play the detective and identify what affects a child, triggering those big feelings, and then review what children need to feel calmer and more regulated, or work through the triggers.

Want to learn more?

Would you like to deliver emotional literacy interventions in your work? Our Level 3 Emotional Literacy Mentor qualification takes you through the theory and practice to deliver emotional literacy support for children aged 3-12 years. You can start today by joining (click here)

Are you looking for a deeper understanding of child mental health? Our Level 4 Child and Adolescent Mental Health Coaching Diploma takes you into an in depth dive of child mental health and how you can support. You can join our Level 4 training (here).

Further help

For more articles about mental health visit – ARTICLES

To learn more about child and adolescent mental health visit – COURSES

For resources to support child and adolescent mental health visit –RESOURCES