Why children need to lose - Dandelion Training & Development

Whilst teaching the Level 4 Child and Adolescent Mental Health Coaching Course a few weekends ago, we found ourselves discussing the concept of losing.

Whilst for some adults, there can be a feeling that children need to be protected from losing and the feelings of disappointment, envy or discomfort that come with it, it is important to consider how winning and losing (gracefully) can help us.

When children lose, whether it is at a game, sport or experience, whilst there are big feelings that we need to learn to navigate with support, it also offers us opportunity to develop fundamental life skills which support us through life and offer us scope to build our resilience. Being able to win with grace (be proud, but not smug) and to lose with dignity (its fine to be disappointed, we don’t attack others for it) offers children vital skills to benefit them in life, work, study and relationships, affording them a greater toolbox to move forward with.

Losing allows us to:

To develop resilience. Experiencing setbacks allows us to learn to step back, decompress, review what we learnt from the experience and then move forward again. These are vital skills in life, the workplace and in connections.
To develop adaptability, as children learn that rather than quitting they can reflect, review, problem solve and look at the skills, knowledge or experience that will help them with future problems they experience.
To experience feelings such as disappointment and jealousy, and learn to regulate and reframe them, identifying where we are proud of ourselves and what we can learn from the experience.
To develop humility. Losing can help us to empathise and understand how others may have felt previously, or will do in future, allowing us to develop greater empathy and consideration for others.
To develop internal security by learning that we can be disappointed, but simultaneously pleased for a friend, sibling or peer. Increasing our empathy for others and enhancing emotional literacy.
To develop a growth mindset, learning that setbacks are not destinations, and instead a pausing post to allow us to consider our next steps. Offering children to consider the role of dedication, effort and commitment in the outcomes that they would like to achieve in life.
To prepare us for other times in life when we may not have the outcome we desire, whether this is exam results, university choices, job interviews or someone not wanting to date us etc. Having confidence that we can be disappointed, but know that we can survive the setback bolsters self-esteem and resilience.
Where children are offered spaces initially with adult support, and over time independently to acquire the skills to reset after disappointments, they gain greater emotional capacity and self-reliance.

Whilst we may want to protect children from these big feelings, the earlier that they learn them, the better equipped they are when losing or disappointments come with greater feelings. Learning to lose gracefully at bowling at 6, supports us to more readily reflect and accept if I do not get the exam results I wanted in my GCSEs at 16. Where children are offered adult support to reframe losing, regulate through big feelings, review what they have learnt, and practice self-compassion they are better equipped when age brings bigger losses. The greater a child’s toolbox, the easier they can bounce back, and the more we can protect their mental health as they get older.

Want to learn more?

Would you like to deliver emotional literacy interventions in your work? Our Level 3 Emotional Literacy Mentor qualification takes you through the theory and practice to deliver emotional literacy support for children aged 3-12 years. You can start today by joining (click here)

Are you looking for a deeper understanding of child mental health? Our Level 4 Child and Adolescent Mental Health Coaching Diploma takes you into an in depth dive of child mental health and how you can support. You can join our Level 4 training (here).

Further help

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