Why do children upregulate? - Dandelion Training & Development

Upregulation is a term used to describe when a child uses behaviours to bring parents or carers closer to them (also called proximity seeking or attachment seeking behaviours). They aim to raise an alert to parents that the child needs help, is feeling uncertain or stressed.

Proximity seeking behaviours begin in infancy, when babies will cry to be held, be fed, be comforted etc. When their needs are met swiftly and their nervous systems soothed, children will settle. As children get older if their proximity seeking has been met with resistance or inconsistency, we can see that these behaviours escalate to upregulation, becoming louder in hope that someone will hear. Perhaps the child learnt that their parent was not attuned to their needs, or their parent was overwhelmed with their own needs and not as responsive, or the parent was unable to meet the child’s needs for factors such as medical issues meaning other carers had to step in and support.

Upregulating behaviours can include:

Crying
Clinging
Intruding on personal space
Shouting
Screaming
Temper tantrums
Kicking / Hitting
Begging or pleading
Aggression / anger
Difficulty regulating themselves
Resisting comfort when it is offered

The challenge with upregulating behaviours, is that they can easily be labelled as ‘poor behaviour’ rather than considering that they are indicating that a child is struggling, which means that behaviour modification approaches can be implemented, which cause the upregulation to escalate further. In reality, they are attachment seeking behaviours, and the child is seeking support, reassurance and safety from their overwhelming feelings and therefore need consistent, support approaches.

Children upregulate to seek to soothe big feelings, this can include:

Fear
Anxiety
Panic
Distress
Uncertainty
Stress / Pressure
Anxious Attachments
Lack of confidence in their ability to manage
Fear of abandonment
Difficulty trusting

Being curious about what else might be happening, supporting children to build their emotional literacy and regulation skills, offering consistent safety and security therefore becomes paramount to supporting them to feel more regulated.

Want to learn more?

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Further help

For more articles about mental health visit – ARTICLES

To learn more about child and adolescent mental health visit – COURSES

For resources to support child and adolescent mental health visit –RESOURCES