The perils of sadfishing

Disclaimer – the content of this article is not medical advice, if you have a concern about the mental health, safety or well-being of a child or adult, please raise with the appropriate services to activate help for them

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With so many parents and professionals raising the question about how we manage young people’s social media usage, and what their child is exposed to, the more we understand about online behaviours the greater the opportunity we have to respond from a space of curiosity. Over recent years, the concept of sadfishing has had a greater light shone upon it.

Sadfishing, also referred to as sympathy-seeking negative online self-disclosure, is a term that has become more common in recent years, and associated with social media (but can occur off of this). In 2021, it appeared in the Journal of American College Health relating to social media users who “exaggerate their emotional state online to generate sympathy.”

Sadfishing is not confined to one gender. Researchers who explored the behaviours associated with sadfishing found that at 12 years old, boys were reported to have higher inclination towards sadfishing behaviours than girls. However, this decreased with age, whilst girls increased in sadfishing behaviours with age.

Sadfishing is not associated to the occasional post when something negative or challenging happens, such as bereavements or challenges. Sadfishing relates to ‘intentionally posting details about emotional difficulties, feelings of being misunderstood, and interpersonal challenges on social media with the purpose of evoking sympathy and attention from the online community’ (Shabahang, 2023), it is characterised by:

  • Excessive posting of vulnerable or emotional content
  • Persistently posting sad pictures or photos for sympathy
  • Posting emotional content with the direct aim of seeking emotional support
  • Posting photos of them crying or looking teary eyed
  • Posting cryptic messages or posts seeking attention and sympathy
  • Posting vague or unclear or unfinished posts seeking interaction
  • In person, needing to tell you a sad story before anything else
  • Manipulating other people’s emotions for personal gain

So often, the default in these situations is to label the behaviour as ‘attention seeking’, however, this often means that we miss the greater picture and can lose curiosity about the needs of the individual. This can also delay support that is required, so what really sits underneath it?

The contributors to sadfishing include:

  • Isolation
  • Denial – where denial is a default management system for feelings, sadfishing gives validation
  • Struggling with emotional needs and wanting to tell people, but lacking the communicative skills to do this
  • Gaining sympathy and/or validation
  • Not having a safe, constructive emotional outlet for big feelings
  • Persistent traits of anxiety
  • A difficultly in expressing needs or asking for help in constructive ways
  • An underlying diagnosis or symptoms of depression
  • A sense of gratification or relief from having strangers comment on posts
  • Being intoxicated
  • For some individuals, sadfishing can be associated with personality disorders
  • It should be noted that research indicates that sadfishing is NOT about attention seeking but is rather driven by anxious attachment styles seeking validation and support

Interestingly, if you attended my session at the Dandelion conference about attachment styles and feelings, you will have heard me discuss how attachments affect how we react to feelings. Sadfishing is most frequently associated with those with anxious attachment styles. By which, the individual will upregulate their reactions in order to seek help or support lacking the skills or learning to understand how to constructively express their needs to obtain the support that they require.

However, sadfishing should not be ignored. When it is present alongside comments or posts surrounding isolation, feelings, withdrawal from social groups or family, poor health or associated to recently difficult or traumatic events it is frequently an indicator of greater issues that require support.

It is important that rather than ignoring or dismissing these posts, we look at them with curiosity that the individual posting them is in need of emotional support and support this with the individual, appropriate adults or support systems depending on their age. Where posts are seen which actively discuss self-harm or ‘not wanting to be here’ these should be seen as warning signs of wider risk and support implemented as an emergency.

We can never know what someone is experiencing, or the struggles that they may be having. In all cases, rather than dismissing what we are reading, reaching out privately to check in, or contacting the person’s loved ones to check in on support in place or to raise to their awareness is always advisable.

Want to learn more? 

Would you like to deliver emotional literacy interventions in your work? Our Level 3 Emotional Literacy Mentor qualification takes you through the theory and practice to deliver emotional literacy support for children aged 3-12 years. You can start today by joining (click here)

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