Why are boundaries so important?

When I teach about mental health, I frequently talk about why children desperately need structure and boundaries. Sometimes, people can feel that it is being too rigid to give children structure, and that children should be able to choose these things for themselves. So, let’s look at why boundaries and structure matter:

1. Our brains run off of them – Our brains actually love predictability. Having bedtimes, waking up times, set meal times and structure actually allows our brain to feel less anxious. We can often find, that when someones mental health is struggling, that their routines vanish and their anxiety peaks. The complex structure of our brain’s neural pathway systems means that when we can repeatedly use familiar pathways our brain thinks less as these are subconscious. Therefore, giving children strong routines means that they have more energy to focus on other things, such as learning, problem solving and creativity.
2. They create safety – Therefore, when we have a structure and routines, with firm boundaries we feel safer. Think about someone you know, who is really consistent in their manner, approach and responses, our body can relax when they are with them, safe in the certainty of how they react. In contrast, when we are around someone unpredictable, reactive or flakey, we feel more anxious, unsettled and worried. The same is found with routines. Consistent and predictable routines mean that we feel safer, which creates the perfect platform to challenge ourselves. Without this, we can find that the mental effort required to manage day to day life means that we have no reserves to cope with challenges.
3. They create space to stretch from – When we have strong routines and boundaries, we have more space to learn, develop resilience and develop strong attachments within. This creates scope for us to stretch ourselves mentally and intellectually, as we have the extra energy to be able to learn, explore, challenge and problem solve. A child whose capacity is taken trying to guess what is coming next, or feeling uncertain what their day will look like, can find it more challenging to focus their attention as they are trying to second guess the patterns around them.

What should we do first?

1. Create a strong and consistent morning and evening routine (wake up, meal times, bed routines and sleep times)
2. Be supportive and encouraging to embed this (it takes practice and consistency)
3. Take the lead and role model the behaviours that you would like your children to have
4. Keep it going, children’s brains are not fully formed until 25, they will require ongoing support to manage their routines

Want to learn more? 

If you want to learn more about mental health you can join our Level 4 training (here) or keep an eye out for our new specialist online courses coming soon (here).

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Further help 

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