8 ways to reduce overwhelm at Christmas - Dandelion Training & Development

Christmas and Fear

Whilst Christmas is often a magical and exciting time of year, for many children it can quickly become overwhelming. It’s interesting that not all children perceive the sense of excitement as exciting, and for many children I have worked with over the years, excitement is categorised for them as fear or dread.

When we are excited, our brain sends a signal to our adrenal glands (on top of our kidneys) to release adrenaline. Adrenaline is also released when we are scared, so for children whose emotional literacy skills are still developing, who are sensitive to big feelings or who struggle with interoception, we can see them being terrified of things that we would expect them to love. This can include Christmas, Santa’s grotto, parties, big events, fireworks etc. Being aware of this at Christmas time is pivotal to supporting the child manage the big feelings, but also for families who may find the festive season to be daunting.

10 things we can do to support children

Reduce the demands – It can be easy to fall into the doing everything festive trap, but doing what is right for your family is more important than keeping up with expectations. Identify how many events children can cope with, and at which frequency and plan for this instead. For instance, if you have a morning event, have a quiet afternoon and vice versa. If you have a busy day, have 1-2 quiet days afterwards.
Plan ahead – Spend some time identifying with your child what they feel they can manage and what they would rather not do. Christmas is a period of sensory overload with music, lights, flavours and smells, and having a handful of fun things that they are keen to do is preferred over pushing to do more and more. Create a visual timetable so children can see what is happening, and identify the quiet times within this so they can foresee that there is a rest.
Create decompression spaces – Often, when children are visiting family this can feel overwhelming after a while. Creating decompression spaces that they can escape to without question can offer children a space to feel safe and reduce overwhelm. Identify a space beforehand and visit it when you arrive so that they know where they are going, whether its a bedroom space, a den that is created in another room or an agreed retreat to the car with a parent a quiet space can be a game changer for many children.
Reduce the surprises – When we have surprises springing up in every direction, it can be understandable that children can feel both exhausted or hypervigilant. Creating pockets of predictability to save them the energy and allow them to feel more in control can reduce the amount of adrenaline being released. This could be taking their own snacks and drinks, pre-planning food choices, spreading out gifts, minimising visitors etc.
Balance the needs – Sometimes, the big event would be fine, but where a morning has been blocked out with chores such as family visits, delivering gifts and food shopping, the sensory input has reached breaking point before the event. Where feasible, consider whether chores can be grouped together and completed by one adult, allowing the child to decompress beforehand allowing them to conserve some energy before they attend.
Be aware of masking – When children are masters at masking, they can look like they are feeling great in the event, and shortly after returning home can experience restraint collapse, where all their emotions they have held in come tumbling out. Where we know that children will feel the need to mask, reducing the time that they have to do this can reduce the impact on them later. Come armed with regulation strategies for after the event (ideally for the journey home) and allow some decompression time on arrival.
Keep bedtimes consistent – Christmas can quickly become a host of wobbles in routines, and whilst some are unavoidable, opting for what is best for the family over other people’s needs is more important. Leaving an event early to ensure that bedtimes are consistent and children get enough sleep is often the difference between overwhelm and regulation.
Keep foods familiar – Whilst there are all manner of treats available at Christmas, where food sensitivities and tactile needs are present, this can add to stress levels. Further, if children do not have access to foods that they like, and go hungry or do not eat enough we can see a spike in stress and overwhelm, or ‘hangry-ness’. Having access to familiar foods which reduce stress and ensure blood sugar levels remain more stable supports the child to feel regulated.

Where children have opportunity to build their confidence in their abilities to manage those events, the spikes of adrenaline can be reduced and allow them to feel more secure.

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