What is attachment? - Dandelion Training & Development

Attachment theory is a psychological theory, developed by John Bowlby (1977), that looks at the connections and relationships between humans. Attachments are those deep emotional bonds that we develop with another person, where we feel secure and close with them. In attachment theory, we examine the relationship between children and their parents, and the way that a parent responds to children’s needs. Bowlby suggested that all children are biologically programmed to form attachments with others, and that these attachments help them to survive. For instance, children use behaviours such as distress, clinging or protest to seek help and connections with parents. When parents respond positively, sensitively and appropriately to a child’s needs they are offered opportunity to develop healthy attachments.

Attachment types

The early experience that children have of their caregivers’ responsiveness to their distress, and the levels of comfort or security that they gain from this, shapes attachment styles into one of four types;

Secure
Insecure-anxious/ambivalent
Insecure-avoidant
Disorganised-disorientated.

Secure attachment

Secure attachments occur when a child is afforded opportunity to develop a secure caregiver relationship, where they feel comforted and responded to, particularly in periods of stress. In secure attachments, children are offered opportunity to develop autonomy but have the certainty of support from their parent if they need help. They have opportunity to take risks and make mistakes with the knowledge that their parents will guide them and that they will be helped. A parent who develops a secure attachment will:

Use non-verbal emotional interactions (touch, eye contact)
Has a warm affectionate tone of voice
Watches and responds to their baby/child with sensitivity
Practices being fully present
Plays with their children
Are responsive to child’s needs
Is a safe haven to the child
Encourages children to explore their surroundings whilst being available to support if needed

Children with a secure attachment are:

Content
Can separate from parents
Seeks comfort from parents if scared or frightened
Are comfortable with intimacy
Are self-sufficient
Have a positive view of themselves & others
Are resilient
Can express their emotions
Feel safe and secure in their relationships

Anxious-Ambivalent attachment

Those with an insecure-anxious attachment, may be referred to as over-dependent or immature. Anxiously attached children up-regulate their responses to seek their parent’s attention, this may include extreme emotions such as screaming or attention seeking to signal to parents that they need hep. Children with anxious attachments are less confident to explore and experience higher levels of distress when separated from carers. A parent who develops an insecure-anxious attachment may:

Use inconsistent parenting
Responding sometimes, and other times being distracted or not present
Is not fully present or is distracted
Could be described as ‘all over the place’
Overbearing
Avoiding picking up a baby when crying so as not to ‘spoil’ them
Parents who are emotionally unavailable
Overprotective
Dependent on children to meet their own needs
Hovering or helicopter parenting style

Children with an anxious attachment may be:

Emotional
Anxious
Clingy
Have low self-esteem
Seek constant reassurance
Are fearful of losing their relationship
Less independent
Difficulty regulating and controlling negative emotions
Learn to up-regulate to get attention e.g. high levels of distress, screaming
Struggle when parents leave, thinking they are abandoned

Avoidant attachment

Insecure-avoidant attachments are seen where a child is less reliant on their caregiver, and learns to internalise or down regulate their emotional responses, therefore not seeking help when in distress. The child has learnt, that in distress, their needs will be inconsistently or unpredictably met, such as being rejected or ridiculed. A parent who develops an avoidant attachment may have:

A failure to meet a child’s needs
Inconsistent responses to a child
Have a lack of closeness
Not responding when a baby or child cries or is in distress
Actively discourages crying
No outward emotional reactions to issues or achievements
Making fun of a child’s problems
Showing annoyance if a child has a problem

Children with avoidant attachment are:

Self-reliant
Avoid or leave conflict
Have a positive view of self
Have a negative view of others
Overly or excessively independent
Reliant on self-soothing
Remove themselves to regulate
Withdraw from others when overwhelmed

Disorganised-Disorientated attachment

Lastly, disorganised-disorientated attachment styles are frequently associated with children who do not receive good quality care, who may have been neglected or maltreated in childhood. A child with a disorganised attachment experiences disorientated behaviours whereby, they are unable to express their distress or resolve their upset within their caregiver relationship. A parent who develops a disorganised attachment utilises behaviours such as:

Consistent failure to respond appropriately to a child’s distress
Inconsistent responses to a child’s distress or fear
Intimidating or using fear to get children to stop crying
Ignore a child’s cries for long period
Responding by yelling, criticising, mocking or ridiculing
Losing patience when a child continues to be distressed
Laughing at a child’s distress or fear
Neglectful
Abusive

Children with a disorganised attachment:

Want intimacy, but fear it
A child who is constantly on edge
Responding to a parent’s presence with tears, avoidance or fear
Expect to be hurt by others
Have a fear of rejection
Have a negative view of themselves & others
Low self-esteem
Angry or aggressive
Have difficulty making friends
Do not believe that they deserve love
Feels insecure and unsafe
May seem dazed or dissociated

Impact of attachment

Our attachments can influence:

Our relationships in childhood and adulthood
Our ability to regulate and manage our emotions
Our stress regulation
Our adaptability and resilience
Our self-worth and self-esteem
Our mental health
Our behavioural needs

Want to learn more?

If you want to learn more about attachments you can join our Level 4 training (here) or keep an eye out for our new attachment course coming soon (here).

Further help

For more articles about mental health visit – ARTICLES

To learn more about child and adolescent mental health visit – COURSES

For resources to support child and adolescent mental health visit –RESOURCES