Why self-care is our first priority - Dandelion Training & Development

We so often hear about ‘self-care’ and its importance. However, frequently this is attached to images of beaches, bubble baths and extravagance, which is not viable day to day. The reality is that self-care is a consistent practice that needs commitment and very often – scheduling. But, why do we need it?

Supporting regulation

When we work with children, or are parenting children, they regulate their central nervous system through us. Have you ever noticed that if a friend or family member is having a bad day, that we will find ourselves sliding into that same mood? Or, if you are with someone who is energetic and happy, that it becomes infectious? When you are sad or distressed, who is the first person you think of to help you?

When we think about self-care, we are thinking about managing our energy, regulating our mood and maintaining our consistency. When our self-care is low, we find that our tolerance, energy and mood drop with it. When we have good self-care we find that we are more tolerant, content and open. Children look to adults to identify if they are safe and supported. If their adults are well-regulated and have good levels of self-care they are better able to be present with children. The same applies to teachers, medical staff, early years professionals, social workers….the list continues.

Children’s central nervous systems seek out our nervous systems. If you are regulated, they are more able to regulate. Therefore, self-care is pivotal to our ability to do this.

Having tolerance

When we have good levels of self-care, we are more tolerant. It means that our window of tolerance is more open and able to support. When our self-care is low, we can find that our ability to listen, understand, respect and respond is directly implicated. We can find ourselves isolating, avoiding or being more confrontational. Our tolerance levels are directly implicated when our self-care is below our needs.

Therefore, children are less able to reach us and seek support, which for children with anxious attachments can lead to them up-regulating to seek more help and security, which can increase our sense of stress. For the child with an avoidant attachment, we can see their fierce independence increase and their avoidance escalate. For the child with a fawn response we can see them increase their people pleasing behaviours.

Role Modelling

How much self-care did you see the important adults in your life complete when you were a child? We often repeat perpetual cycles. What we see, we repeat. If we demonstrate to children the importance of self-care and model this to them, they are better able to replicate this. Therefore, advocating self-care for ourselves helps children to see this too. This could be taking an evening off as you are tired, recognising and responding to your needs. Ensuring that after a busy week there is opportunity to relax or scheduling regular opportunities to take time out for joy. If we teach children to respond to their needs early, we can reduce the escalation of exhaustion, stress and overwhelm which can lead to other mental health needs.

What does it look like?

Self-care can mean different things to everyone. It does not have a rule list, and can take many forms. This could be from small things like sitting in the garden to enjoy the peace, dancing to your favourite playlist, a hot shower after a long day, or hot chocolate with a friend. To meditation and breathing practice, stretching before bed, a hypnotherapy audio or reading a book. To bigger steps such as a beauty treatment, day out, art, theatre and trips away. The joy of self-care is it just needs to mean something to YOU.

Then, we need to schedule it. When we place self-care in our diaries, with the same importance as work commitments and chores, we are more likely to do it – because we set time aside for it.

So, what are you going to schedule in your day for YOU today?

You never know who is watching.

Want to learn more?

If you want to learn more about mental health, you can join our Level 4 training (here) or keep an eye out for our new courses coming soon (here).

Further help

For more articles about mental health visit – ARTICLES

To learn more about child and adolescent mental health visit – COURSES

For resources to support child and adolescent mental health visit –RESOURCES